hate #^^&*^*(%%#@#^$%$@

Oh! How I hate this uncertainty that prevails in almost everything that goes on around me. Its this monotony of having things about you to depend on others that makes it all the more pitiable. All these incidents wherein I am subject to the whims of people whom I barely know and sometimes I dont know at all make the situation plaintive. Why is that I have to be dependent on a person for something inspite of the fact that I am the one who has to go about making efforts for the same?? I fail to understand this ...this irony of life!!

BOOBOO

This is BOOBOO... funny name, I know!! Well, he is the reason of my unconditional happiness once I am back home from the tiring and monotonus humdrum of my office life. I love him... he is really cute and has a Big Mouth...ha ha ha !!

WoRds

There can be two things in life. One- you let your heart rule over the rationale mind and two- following what your heart says, irrespective of the fact that its right or wrong. I fail to realise at times, which is better. I think...I muse...I ponder...but the dilemma still prevails. I haven't been able to figure out what would give me the long-elusive happiness and peace of mind.
I guess I want to break free. Free from all the bonds-- the bonds of obligations, the bonds of the society and all.. For once, I want to follow my instincts and follow them wherever they take me. I want to believe my heart. I want to just not think about the consequences and do something I have always wanted to do.
This is the right time for surging ahead with my unfulfilled thoughts.Oh my!! I wish it was easy! Just doing things your heart says and not having to think about its pros and cons.I want to feel the joy of letting my heart rule. But then , am I asking for too much? Am I being too selfish? No. I am not. All I am trying to do is just be the person I am without any complexities, inhibitions and without the fear of losing.
And you know why all this is happening? Essentially because of my own feelings, my desires, my wishes. I want to hear.. want to read..words which would brighten up my life. Words that would turn even the most gray of days into the most bright ones. Words that would make even summer seem like spring. Words that would give that "zing thing" to every step that I take.Words that would change the meaning of my existence....Words that I have been longing to hear!!

The real me..

Hmmm... almost 2 weeks since the last time I blogged. I really dunno what has been keeping me tied up but then for the first time eve, things havent been too good ever since I have come down to Pune. I dont feel the zeal to write , the way I used to since the past few days and the reason is inexplicable. I wish I could help myself. But then certain things are beyond your own wishes...what I have thought is that I am gonna start being my same self. Otherwise I am really going to hate myself for having changed into something which isnt the Real Me..

Reason...

Yeah..as I had said I would be writing about this person with whom I had a nice journey from Pune to Berhampur. We actually started talking to each other pretty late into the 30 hour journey that I had. Probably the reason being that both of us skeptical to break the ice. I had this gut feeling that I had seen him somewhere though I didn’t remember when and where. Finally after he told me that he is a student in XIMB, I realized I had seen his snap in some of the snaps that Jeet had shown me as few from the JLTs that they have. There are certain things for which I would remember this journey and this guy as well! The things that I would remember are:

Ø The oldest kid, Anisha shouting twinkle twinkle …into my ears at the top of her voice just because Manas asked her to.
Ø Anisha eating up half of my snickers…booo hooo hooo and me not being able to do anything.
Ø Manas devouring the newspaper “Mid Day” in the initial hour of the journey.
Ø Me and Manas handling kids all day and watching Lage Raho Munnabhai with them on his lappy so that the kids remain silent – A mini theatre.
Ø Me talking a lot to Kaushik , to door-karofy the initial boredom.
Ø Me about to miss my train on the Vijayawada station because of my looking out for the AS 1 compartment and Manas pulling my leg constantly after that.
Ø Me and Manas having an enriching conversation about careers today especially MBA and the pros of doing it at the so called “right time” standing at the door of the compartment.
Ø Manas running out of the Vizag station to get ciggies and also getting a storehouse of junk and the lady beside us actually thinking that he had gone out for the latter.
Ø Me having toblerones, snickers, dairy milk and ferrero rocher throughout the journey.
Ø Smelling nappies all day and night!
Ø Meeting CB after more than 6 months at the Secunderabad station early morning and eating Dairy Milk.
Ø Manas showing me the amazing snaps of XIMB and his b’day party and dance videos so that I don’t sleep off.
Ø The whopping number of coffees that I had in the journey.
Ø Not to forget, me relishing my chicken biriyani on the first night and Manas staring at it continually like a glutton.
Ø Me, Manas and the lady having a nicey discussion about MBA, married life and not to forget saas-bahu serials and kids at 10 in the night.
Ø The other guy trying to get really nice to me and he trying to pull Manas down all the time… had a ball of a time seeing 2 guys hitting back at each other with vengeance.
Ø Me thinking about going to CCD – aha, how I am missing that!
Ø Manas and me finally having a nice talk just before reaching Berhampur – a discussion that didn’t make much sense to me. What I mean is that a guy speaking up so much about himself in just a single meeting.
Ø Me reminded of Situ just because of the way Manas spoke and carried himself.
Ø Surprisingly enough, Manas asking me right on my face if I am single and also saying that he has broken off from a year old relationship.
Ø Me and Manas discussing about a common aim of setting up a small and part –time business of content development once done with out MBAs.
Ø Discussing life in XIMB and common friends – Anurag, Akhil, Anunay and Jeet.
Ø Manas confessing that his initial impression of me was that I was a Bengali and a person heavily into reading et al.
Ø Manas requesting me for some toblerones which I couldn’t deny.
Ø The bachas crying incessantly throughout the journey and Kaushik asking me to shut them up , rather to ask them to lower their volume.
Ø Dad giving me 1000 and 1 instructions till I reached home.
Ø Discussing places like Pune, Shirdi, Bangalore, Vizag and the backwaters of Kerala.
Ø Manas striking up a conversation with a guy and he offering him ciggies which seemed like heavenly manna to him at that point of time.
Ø The 10 month old boy staying more with me rather than his momma and the 4 year old girl becoming Manas’ GF – he he he !
Ø Manas asking me if I would have pulled the chain to stop the train had he missed it on the Vizag station since I was his co-passenger.

There is a lot more that I can write about my journey but then the most important fact that holds true was that I was missing something.. I wish I knew what exactly was I missing. Still, I would remember this journey as one of the most enjoyable journeys that I have had in my life.

Pune to Berhampur

Voila! The day was finally here and I was going home after a span of a little more than 4 months. It was for the fast time that I was this far from home and that too for such a long time. Not to forget the fact that I was gonna go back home from job… The journey started off on a rather disappointing note. In the sense that I had gotten used to the busy schedule of my office to such an extent that I could barely imagine myself not doing anything for around 8-9 days. Though this was what I had been wanting for the past few days. I boarded the train and was a wee bit dejected to see a couple of mommies around with 4 kids and a guy who seemed to merge a lot with the ambience. Kids ranging from 10 months to 4 years, well, this journey was gonna be something. I thought! I love kids , playing with them et al but then having to be with 4 at the same time for the next 30 hours did scare me a little. I was all geared up to fight this. I took out my novel and started reading it with all the attention that I could ve in the midst of what looked like a mini crèche or something like a play school. I was reading this novel "In the name of honour” by Mukhtar Mai, a latest bestseller which is creating waves across the world. very oon, it was supper time and there I was, savouring my biriyani. Thanks to the aunties and kids around me, I had to catch up with some early sleep. Did I mention that half of the time, I was busy talking to a friend, naa I didnt!! I woke up really soon as compared to the general standards, at around 7. Hyderabad station was due in half an hour and I had to meet my college days ka friend, CB. It was really nice of him.. waking up early on a sunday morning and coming all the way to meet me. I just couldnt figure out what I could do after that, so I decided to get into a mid-morning siesta and I climbed up to the top berth. As I did so, I realised something strange that the guy beside me, who had been chatting almost all night was sleeping with his head and legs interchanging sides quite a number of times throughout the time that he slept. I woke up during lunch time and played with those toddlers around me. Not to forget those long conversations with Kaushik. Well, this is when my cell got switched off and I had to resort to people around me for some conversation. The guy in red ... now starts our interactions. There are certain things that I observed about him, that he slept like a hog and that he was amazingly good with the kids. Seriously, even better than me!! As we started talking , we realised that we had quite some common friends and a few common ambitions. Amazingly enough, theres so much for me to write about this sweet-bitter rendezvous that I think it would be better if I talk about it in my next post. Anyways, my journey wasnt all that bad!! In fact, a very different one!!

The Zahir- A story of Love and Realization

“The Zahir” meaning ‘the present’ or ‘unable to go unnoticed’ is one of the best works of Coelho. The novel has both spiritual and philosophical touch to it. Its about this man, the protagonist and his quest for discovering his own self. It centers on the narrator-a best-selling novelist’s search for his wife. Having enjoyed all the privileges that a man can, thanks to money and his celebrity-hood, he realizes that his life is now confronted with some of the most unpredictable questions. Esther, his wife for ten years has disappeared from their home and immediately he is suspected of foul play by the authorities and the press. Unable to comprehend Esther’s inexplicable disappearance, he is forced to re-examine both his marital relationship and his own life. The narrator has questions aplenty which have no answer. Was Esther kidnapped or did she decide to part ways with him after having a failed marriage? Eventually, his only link in Esther’s disappearance is Mikhail, his wife’s friend. Then the narrator starts his journey- his quest to find out his wife. Like Coelho’s other stories, this one too focuses on journey. During this journey, he discovers a lot about life and love and its various faces. It is then that he realizes about his obsession for his wife, rather than his love. All this does make him a much more enlightened human being who is continually traveling in the pursuit of his dreams. Man can fulfill his own dreams and destroy them too. That’s exactly what the author tries to and in fact, successfully portrays in this beautiful novel of human emotions and continuous enlightenment of an individual. The narrator understands the worth of what he had long taken for granted only after losing it to time and is left without an answer to his questions.

More to add to my favourites...

More of my favourites... a lovely coffee , fire n ice, sparks and not to forget, a lovely moonlit night by the beach!! How I long for a holiday!!!

Things that make me happy!!!

Yeah.. these are few of those things that make me happy... babies or kids, coffee with the people I like and of course, walks in the rain...

I love my life!

Almost midnight and I am actually lost in my thoughts... thoughts that wander past everything.. i wish I cud actually give words to my thoughts!!! I was thinking about what makes me happy...
I love the fact that I am going home after 4 days. I love the cutie pokeman character that i brought... I love when I dont let people talk and I keep on talking over coffee... I love when my flatmate cracks amazing jokes. I love it when I listen to my favourite songs... I love it when I get to dance for my favourite songs.. I love it when i see people smiling due to me, even if it is at my silly antics... I love my li'l brown skirt. I love the walk that I went for the other day all alone. I love this time when I can actually see the moon shine its way into my room through the transparent window panes.I love the chilly winds of the Pune winter. I love a lot of other things which I cant put into words and would rather not mention on this public forum. I really am loving my life.. I am!!

GAmuT oF EmOtiOnS

Life finally seems to settle down in Pune. I have my old friends coming over one by one. Suman is here and my weekend was as different as it could have been. I wanted to have my friends around me so that I could speak my heart out whenever I felt like.Bhatia and Gandhi are here and their presence is definitely a good thing. And very soon, Sanchari is gonna be here. That would mean good ol times coming back like a whiff of fresh air....

Strangely enough for me, I ve been really choosy about being with people ere in Pune. I fail to understand the reason of my scepticism, why I dont feel like meeting new people. Strange coz its so very unlike me! An extrovert that I am! But then , I guess its all due to the few cases of deception that I ve had to face ever since I ve moved outta home. Old friends are there and eventually, there are just a couple of new ones in the last four months that I ve been in Pune- Vrushali and Kaushik. Somehow, I can be myself with these two, without the fear of them being judgemental. Not to forget the amazing sense of humour both of them are endowed with. I love the late night talks with Vrushali the most and the coffee sessions with Kaushik. That at least does add some zing to my otherwise monotonous life.

I find solace in painting and writing(blogging to be more precise). Thats what i ve been doing in the recent past. Peace is what I seek. I go through a gamut of emotions regarding my life. Jus wish I would be able to clear up things soon. The bottomline , I believe, is my loneliness. And I dunno whats gonna help me get over it. Maybe a vent for all my feelings... Amen!

Amazing reviewz

My Boss has just sent my storyboard and its much better than the first one he reviewed a little more than four months back. He had been quite exasperated reviewing that one. Luckily, that isnt the case this time. He has reviewed my storyboard and that is something which I expected out of it. The comments that he gives seem so obvious when I am reading it now but why dont they ever seem that obvious when I am boarding myself?? I guess this is the way I will get to learn about the intricacies that my job needs. And you know what, I have kinda started to admire my Boss all the more with each board of mine that he reviews.Seriously, I really wanna think on the same lines as he does. And God only knows how many years thats gonna take me! Whatever it may be, I just wanna look into the things, rather storyboards with the same finesse and perfection that he does!!

Sach Hui...

Pyaar dekar tune mujhko dee hai tune zindagi
tu mila hai to mila hai mujhko har khushi
teri nazar main jabse
lee hai panaah is dil ne
tabse yun lagne laga ....

Lovely words, arent they? These are the from a song of a latest hindi flick that I saw. Very different from the ah-so-typical hindi movies that hit the screens. The words touched an innermost chord in my mind. So very expressive and yet so implicit. I am sure anyone who listens to it will feel the same as I do...